Archiving the Thoughts of Children

Forgive me, readers, but I store the thoughts of my children here rather than trust them to Facebook’s preservation.  Here are some of the latest:

Both of my children, upon learning the fact-opinion distinction, became drunk with power. “That’s just your OPINION, DAD!!!!!”

I made the mistake of asking Grace why the cat always wants to lie on top of me. She said, “He thinks your big belly is like a couch.”

After observing my struggles in trying to give our very old cat his medicine, Grace told me, “If I was a cat and I could understand English, I would take my pill.”

In the car this evening, I started telling Ruth I’d like to get a stationary bike for the back porch. Grace asked what a stationary bike is. I explained that it is a bike you ride for exercise and that it doesn’t go anywhere. “Oh,” she said, “that doesn’t sound like much fun at all.”

Last night at dinner, Ruth and I argued in fairly benign fashion over some point I have already forgotten. But Andrew didn’t like it. He curled up in his chair and said, “I don’t like it when you argue. It makes me feel like my world is falling apart.” Ruth stopped to explain to him that arguing can be productive.” Grace interrupted to say, “Andrew, it’s okay. Arguing is just part of being an adult. You have to do it!”

I bought Andrew another collection of the old Thor comics, which he loves. I asked him if he would like to live in Asgard.

Him: “It doesn’t exist, Dad.”

Me: “I don’t know that and neither do you. How can you be so sure?”

Him: “The old vikings just made that stuff up. They’re just legends.”

Me: “Yeah, but I wonder what the origin of it was. I wonder why the vikings came up with those lege

nds.”Him: “They just wanted to believe in a false religion.”

The kid is his mother’s son.

We took the kids to Rock City today. To my surprise, young Andrew really got into it, declaring that “My mind is rushing with excitement.” We saw Lover’s Leap near the spot where you can stand and see seven states. I asked him to promise me that if his girlfriend every leaps off a cliff, he won’t follow. He said, “Okay, dad. I’ll only leap if I’m wearing a pair of anti-gravity boots or a jet pack.”
Andrew told me that he and some other children at school had formed a new group called A.E.K., which stands for Advanced Education Kids. They aren’t going to wait their turn. They want to change the world now with their inventions. First step so far: asking Dad if Union University can give them $10 million to get started.
Hearing that an African man is coming to our house, Grace asked, “Does he speak another language?”
“Yes,” I said, “but he also speaks English.”
“Phew,” she exclaimed, “Because I only speak a little Chinese and a little Spanish.”