Let us, as the green eyeshade types would put it, take inventory. Sentences both run-on and nonsensical. Applause for forced sodomization. Not in the running in the make-them-forget- George-Carlin derby. The Iraqi nation as secular until Uncle Sam came along. On the sauce. A failure to grasp the horrible actions of the NKVD, oops, the U.S. military prison personnel. A failure to spell “publically” correctly. Mr. or Dr?: Only his hairdresser knows for sure. Did I miss anything?
So much calumny; so little time. That was not a run-on sentence, however long, but rather a common literary technique, and we at the Reform Club expect our clientele to display the same high standards in reading that we offer in writing. The musing about Saddam’s transformation into Maddam reflects no endorsement of prison rape on my part—is it too much to expect readers to be serious rather than steeped in the asinine dogmas of political correctitude—but instead would be poetic justice given what Saddam’s henchmen used to do to his prisoners. Or have the memories of the saintly Uday and Qusay evaporated quite so quickly? I will leave George Carlin to fend for himself. Lest our esteemed readers forget, Saddam inserted a Koranic saying onto the Iraqi flag only a few years ago in an effort to ingratiate himself with the Wahhabi purists. Or perhaps Saddam merely was revealing himself as deeply spiritual. The U.S. military prison guards as torturers? Oh, please; anyone who believes that is a fool who knows nothing about torture. (Hint: Discomfort, embarrassment, and cultural insensitivity do not qualify.) By the way the Abu Ghraib photos were released during the course of a U.S. Army investigation, begun well before the issue hit the NY Times. “Publically” or “publicly”? Zycher’s hairdresser knows that one for sure, and she’s from Iran. A fabulous economist? Is there such a creature? Well, in the brave new world of embryonic cloning, anything is possible. Which is precisely the problem.
And now, my fellow Americans, back to work.